Somewhere along the way I meandered away from myself. So gradually, I didn’t realize how far I had gone. I opened my eyes to find myself lost in the dark. Deep in the forest with no way of knowing how I had arrived or how to get back.
So I’ve been slowly making my way back home, feeling around in the dark. Turning all sorts of attention inward in moments of stillness and quiet.
I like to imagine myself, as well, readying my home. With lush houseplants and gentle paintings. Establishing safety and fostering a cozy environment. Maybe running a warm bath and lighting the fireplace. Heating a kettle for a cup of tea. Establishing a life that I don’t want to distract myself from.
The way back home to myself has been incredibly difficult, painful, and disorienting. But I’m here and I’m safe. I’m well nourished and well loved. And I’m grateful to share with you in the ways you’d like to participate.
When we buried Jasper we forgot to send him with his prized possession: his rotting deer leg. No matter how far we’d throw it, he’d find it within a few days. He’d gnaw and chew and carry it with him. He’d say “just five more minutes!” when we’d pack up for the day, “I’m not
His Rotting Deer Leg Read More »
Dear Lord, how has it been a year. Well, now. It’s officially been a bit more than that. I’m late to my anniversary. Let’s take a pause and lay down an Ebenezer. This year we wrote a forest management plan that was fully funded by NRCS. Planted and harvested from two small gardens. Put into
Here’s the thing. So much of what I write and have written is and was melancholy. Moody. Dark. Hopeful? And not long ago I wrote “Better Days are Here” because they are now. Every day is lighter and brighter than the one before. Well, except for this week. More on that in a moment. As
A Little More Feral Read More »
Long story short, I had a tooth pulled. It was terrible. It was awful, the most painful thing I’ve experienced to date. And longer story short, I hit a rabbit with my car and ate it. It was delicious. Since moving back to Wisconsin, there have been a lot of experiences that really have pushed
Missing Teeth and Eating Roadkill Read More »
By the grace of God and every Divine thing, six months have passed. Six months of new beginnings and big changes. Let me tell you, I work as a barista at a local coffee shop. I make drinks and chat with customers and have a great time. It barely pays rent, but state-sponsored insurance and
Here recently, I’ve been crying. I’d say more than anything, crying over the ridiculous. The small and the everyday and the mundane. The things that have no business bringing me to tears. Why do I say the ridiculous? On a late night drive home (after already having seen a snowy owl and several deer) I
The Ridiculous and the Mundane Read More »
I feel very strongly about improving myself and the planet and the Earth and society. About leaving things better than how they were found, doing the least bad and the most good. I tend to introspect and reflect and notice flaws and shortcomings and errors and every last wiggle room for improvement. And it’s exhausting.
No Assembly Required Read More »
I wore a friend’s sweater all day yesterday. It’s black, a hoodie. It smells faintly of chainsaw grease (chainsaw oil? gas?) and him. It’s worn, no holes but the lettering has started flaking a bit. It says “BETTER DAYS ARE COMING”–song lyrics–in blue print that resembles 90s clip art, all wavy with a slight dark
Better Days are Here Read More »
In nearly every spare moment, my hands instinctively reach for my phone, patting and tapping pockets and surfaces until it’s found. Without thought or consciousness, my thumb taps whichever social media icon is closest to my home screen. I’ll close that tab out of boredom. Maybe it’s once my brain comes to, momentarily aware of
A Life I Don’t Want to Distract Myself From Read More »
As you’ve likely gathered by now, I have been in the process of getting sizzled to a crisp like a phoenix. It’s uncomfortable, I’d say, at a minimum. For so long, I was unhappy, disassociated, and all-around miserable. My anxiety, depression, physical ailments, and chronic misery grew to be unsustainable. They cried out, “Hear me.
“Living Off the Fat of the Land” Read More »